Harlem Heat vs. The Public Enemy – Texas Tornado Match (WCW Uncensored: March 16, 1997)

This one is less about the match and more about Dusty Rhodes’ finest moment ever on color commentary.

From the time the bell sounds, “The American Dream” is on an absolute tear, playing the hits – plunder, devilish woman, (though, I don’t think he ever said clubberin’), etc. But he is particularly tickled by the weapons and shenanigans.

On the use of a toilet seat:

“Look at that, he’s got a commode lid!”

“The other guy’s got a commode lid from the toilet! That’s a toilet lid!”

“There’s one bathroom here missin’ a toilet seat, cause it’s out here.”

In response to Rocco Rock using two cookie sheets on Stevie Ray:

Dream: “What do you call it, xylophone, when you hit em with that, what is that?”

Bobby Heenan: “Cymbals.”

Dream: “Yeah, they cymballed his butt right there. I guarantee it. They did.”

Back to the toilet seat:

“I wonder if that was a new toilet seat or a used toilet seat when they got it.”

In response to Tony Schiavone asking if an extension cord was being used:

“Yeah, he brought a cord, a plug-in, an old, an old, uh, uh, common, household, plug-in cord that you get at home.”

In response to Sister Sherri Martel hitting Rock with a trashcan lid:

[Laughing] “She is raggin’ him! She is raggin’ him, boy!”

In response to Heenan asking if Martha Stewart was reffing the match:

“Yeah, no, Betty White!” (Editor’s Note: I assume he meant Betty Crocker)

In response to Grunge bashing Booker T over the head with a trash can:

[Laughing] “Oh, boy, he laid him – look at him, oh boy, he laid his ol’ tired ass out!”

[After some laughing and rambling] “Excuse me at home, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Oh, my goodness. Hit somebody!”

After Sherri accidentally grazes Ray with a trash can:

“Look at him! He’s drawsy!”

After Rock hits Ray with a cookie sheet:

“Oh, man, he’s worn that Martha White fryin’ pan out.”

In response to Public Enemy putting a trash can on Booker’s head and repeatedly punching it:

[Laughing] “I used to do that to my lil brother! Oh, man, I tell ya, memories!”

In response to Schiavone’s observation that Rock had picked up a cookie sheet/pizza pan:

[Laughing] “A pizza pie pan! A pizza pan!”

After Sherri accidentally hits Ray with the trashcan a third time:

“They need to take that can outta that woman’s hand. Somebody needs to take that can away from her.”

The match is slow, repetitive and way too long. But, Dusty makes every minute worthwhile. He calls the match of his life.

WATCH: Peacock